Trying to get this to work, but it isn’t yet.
I saw the image in my backyard.
Alas, the orange
solar lantern
didn’t light
but luckily
there’s a moon.
It feels weak. That “alas” is too much. Should it be—“too bad?” But that seems skimpy.
Tried it as a one-line haiku, which falls flat. Orange solar lanterns didn’t light—luckily, there’s a moon. Seems to have no motion.
Now I’m realizing there will be an eclipse of the moon tonight. But if the eclipse is in the poem, nothing lights up!
Birds by Christy Hengst
Suggestions?
