Full disclosure–Ezra Katz is my wonderful nephew. My three nephews have added immeasurably to my life–and given me a lot of faith in millennial men. I’ve been publishing Ezra off and on on Miriam’s Well, and really have followed his writing since high school.
Check out his blog, at https://pandorasboxblogsite.wordpress.com
Love and Other Things
On December 5, 2016 By ezk1993
For those of you who do not know, this weekend is Drew and my’s fourth anniversary (hence the trip to Puerto Rico). Falling in love, being in love, and building a life together are those things that everyone dreams about but often the dream doesn’t sync with the reality. In no way has my life with Drew been what I imagined, which is part of what makes it so rewarding.
I don’t believe in love at first sight, I never have, and at this point I see no evidence in my own life to suggest otherwise. I do believe in lust at first sight, no question about that, but lust and love are two very different things. With Drew, the love developed slowly and in a way that I wasn’t expecting. This isn’t a negative thing. Think of it like a complex dessert or wine, at first you taste it and you aren’t sure, but there is something deep within the complexity that keeps you coming back. That was how Drew was to me. At first I found him pleasant to be around but I certainly wasn’t in love and planning our wedding. But the evolution of my feelings for Drew took time. Part of the trouble was that we were doing short distance, I lived in Grinnell and he lived in Des Moines, meaning that we only saw each other for about twenty-four hours once a week. That isn’t a lot of time to get to know someone, especially when you consider that after one whole semester Drew and I had barely even spent two weeks with each other. I think that distance really slowed down the process, which makes sense.
So, if I didn’t know right away, when did I know? At the end of Sophomore year, about six months after Drew and I stated dating, I was going away to Jerusalem for the summer. I was going to be gone for ten weeks and I thought about breaking up with him, just ending it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was in this moment, that I realized something, I was going to miss Drew. When we said goodbye, and went our separate ways, I was sad. Like really sad. Like sad enough that I called my mom and cried in the car as I was driving east from Grinnell. That was something that I had never done before, never (not the calling to cry to my mom part, but the being sad that I wasn’t going to see someone part). For those of you who know me well, I’m not a particularly sentimental person, so I don’t usually get upset when I have to say goodbye to people, I just don’t. But with Drew I did. Things continued this way while I was in Jerusalem, I missed Drew and it felt weird. Missing him, was my first clue that Drew was far more important to me than I had first imagined.
The fact that I missed Drew, was a clear message to me that I loved him, that our relationship and my feelings for him were more than just a fling. Our relationship continued from there and matured nicely. We met each other’s families, started traveling together, and started having serious talks about the future.
After college, we started to build a life together, which was a new and difficult adventure. Just a little fact, Drew and I never spent more than thirteen days in a row together until I moved in with him in January of 2015. That means that our relationship for two years was based on short bursts of time together. Moving in really changed the dynamic. Luckily, we lived pretty well together. No, he isn’t as clean and organized as I am, and, yes, I really do boss him around a little bit too much. But overall, we live very well together.
However, building a life with someone is quite different than building a relationship. A relationship is about feelings, lust, and energy while a life is about security, comfort, and existence. Building our life means doing boring things like going to Target and doing chores around the house. It also means the evolution of how we view each other. Drew isn’t just my love object now, he is my partner, my copilot, and my sidekick. My life revolves around his and vice versa. Creating a life as one is on one end the most challenging phase of our relationship while also being the most rewarding. I am so thankful that I met Drew and I am so thankful for the life that we have built. I look forward to many more years by his side.