More Responses To–What beliefs did you have about yourself that have now changed?

Janet Snyder Asher I always felt that I “can’t do it”. I was never encouraged to try, even if I might fail. Now at 65 I try my best and definitely sometimes fail! And it’s more than OK!!!!
Miriam Sagan Can you say more about what “it” might be?

Janet Snyder Asher Anything I was afraid of. I learned early on not to take risks. I believe that after my divorce I started living again. I met a man who I eventually married and he had so much confidence in me! I took a Swiftwater rescue class and became a river guide at 42! That’s just one example of something I never knew I could do.

Karla Linn Merrifield I always thought I wasn’t very musical, especially after 8 years of piano lessons that terrified me. Yes, I could play a modest Chopin and a few hymns, and I learned to read music, but what a fumbler I was. Now 50 years later I’ve picked up the guitar and a month later I’m feeling it happen. I can make music

Laurie Tumer I’m 68. I didn’t believe (as a girl growing up in the 50’s) that it was possible for a girl to be be an architect or doctor or geologist or or fireman or artist or musician or conductor or builder or even college graduate. Only boys were smart enough for that. I believed I was only capable of being a wife and mother as that is what I was told was my fate When I eventually studied music at the University of Arizona I loved my conducting classes and wanted to be a conductor, but the professor said: Do you see any women conductors? So I didn’t believe I it was possible to do that. So I changed majors and became a teacher because that was something girls were encouraged to do back then. I don’t regret being a teacher all these years. And I have gone on to an artist and a builder and a gardener and to fulfill many dreams and live happily ever after without a husband or children. I often hear in my head when I complete a project my father’s refrain when I’d do something that surprised him that he didn’t think I was capable of: “Not bad for a little girl!” A phrase he used up until he died when I was 35. Times have change in the U.S. for girls, though not for girls all over the world… I believe that will change too one day.

Teresa Fields I was raised to be a wife and mother. When I was in 2nd grade the teacher would hit me on top of my head with her wad of keys and call me a dumb Indian. I believed I could not do math. Then in high school my counselor told me I wasn’t College material.
After being married over 31 yrs and suddenly being widowed. I went to College, I got an ‘A,’ in College Algebra. I had a 3.99 gpa for my AA degree and almost the same for my BFA.

In Splendid Retirement by Miriam Sagan

“Retirement”—The First 9 Months

When I retired from my creative writing job at Santa Fe Community College last December, I made some firm statements about my plans. Those who know me well, however, will attest that I always sound definite even as I’m changing my mind. I said I would not:

1. Do home repair
2. Improve my fitness
3. Concentrate more on writing

That is, I wash’t retiring to focus on improving myself or anything else. I said I wanted

1. Adventure
2. To learn something
3. To understand death more

And, privately, I told myself to

1. Keep everything that was working
2. Add to that

I also wanted something contemplative, but I couldn’t explain what. I had started to think of myself as needing to be more of a “forest dweller.” In the Hindu approach, there are four life stages:
1. Student (check)
2. Householder (check)
3. Forest Dweller
4. Renunciate.
But what IS forest dweller? Me in my garden? Me and husband Rich in an RV? It needed exploring.

Some unexpected things happened. I’d decided to retire in August, 2016. By the following January, when the time came—

1. Donald Trump was president
2. My mother had died (so no more care taking or commuting)
3. Rich started to work “seasonally”—about half the year, with lots of overtime during that period.

So—what happened?

Well, I did do some home repair. I now have a pretty red concrete pathway and some hardscaping in my front yard. However, no new kitchen cabinets or much of anything else. I have been to one stretch class and 1/2 a zumba class—so I really haven’t improved my fitness. I’m writing per usual—emphasis on usual.
So I count this as—negative—goals met.

As to adventure…I’ve seen the total eclipse of the sun, the love fest of Twin Oaks commune’s fiftieth anniversary, the solitude of two weeks in a campground in Hot Springs, Arkansas National Park, and eaten the Chinese food of Vancouver.
I marched on Washington. I took a non-violence class. I had a rifle lesson. I lobbied at the Roundhouse.
I’m still learning to use a “real” camera, do suminagashi, monoprint, geocache, and install poetry text. And I’ve learned to knit a hat.
I’ve been working in hospice and teaching writing in that context.
And, I’ll be going to Japan.

However, I don’t really feel satisfied. That’s probably just because I never am. Should I be studying more in a formal context? Should some challenges be more physical (old and crippled as I am)? Or maybe I should learn ancient Greek. Should could would maybe…

I took poster board and mapped out everything I was doing. And perhaps more important—everything that feeds me. It says: solitude, community, love, literature, nature and more. It says “Investigation.”

I joined a Torah study group. The combination of prayer, study, and community has been challenging…yet elevating. It’s the Days of Awe. I could meditate more. I could write in my journal more. I could…

Go with the flow and see what happens. Ask each day what it wants from me. A few years ago I had an enjoyable practice: I gave each day a theme. It might be teaching or beauty or fiscal responsibility or fun or friendship.

I love my To Do lists. I found one from my teenage years that listed “tampax” and “Pablo Neruda.” That pretty much summarizes my approach to life. My current list has some mystery items on it. It says Detroit? and Start “Mosaic.” It says Chrysanthemums and Go to Ohio.

I’m on my way…to something or other…