What beliefs did you have about yourself that have now changed?

Question:
What beliefs did you have about yourself that have now changed–maybe for the better? I used to believe–I’m not a dog person, I can’t learn to draw, I can’t grow vegetables in New Mexico. You?

Answers:

Alicia Marie Rencountre-Da Silva I learned that aging isn’t a bad thing, it’s kind of cool actually having every age I’ve been at my fingertips.

I’ve learned that I love life more so, that it was never cool to care less. I’ve learned that some kindness, even in angry moments, is possible. And that judgement, no matter how “right” I am, causes separation and separateness is hell. I’ve learned that spaciousness is a place to hold all the stories and from there answers (or next steps-directions) can show themselves.

Holly Beck That I had to ask permission to be in the world. And that if I didn’t seek perfection (physical, career, etc) that I was not worthy of the love I deserved.
Clearly over all that now.

Mystie Brackett I tried to ‘save’ my family, now I save myself

Devon Miller-Duggan Just maybe beginning to learn that I don’t have to earn/buy love, that I am, and my life is, rich and sufficient. Also working on being able to act for the good of my body, which is a long battle (possibly been blaming/punishing it for decades in a kind of twisty revenge for its failure to protect me from my father, and really, WTF am I doing still punishing my body for the actions and opinions of someone who’s been dead for close to 20 years?????). Also learning to stop trying to save people I love from themselves. Tough one, that. I’m not at all sure what there is out there for me to learn and change, but I’m sure there’s plenty of it to keep me occupied and engaged for the next 30 years, which is exciting and something I have learned to be deeply grateful for.

Anne Pedersen life has a way of showing you to yourself that (if you are honest with yourself) will cure you of elitism. i used to think i was so special and i think that less now. much of that “specialness” was privilege and happy accidents of birth, nothing inherent. we’re all exceptional and we’re all flawed and human. when one looks at life that way, compassion for one’s self and others is the only reasonable response.

Arjuna Ranatunga that I wasn’t good enough (as I was)

Mary-Charlotte Domandi That women are more vulnerable than men. I guess I should have said, emotionally vulnerable. I think we are still a lot more physically vulnerable, in general–depending on the context.

The End of Procrastination: Part 3 by Devon Miller-Duggan

I feel like I should say that this is not a story of how I was shaped/wounded by my upbringing. Not a whine, either. I know when I’m wallowing in the sadnesses and violences of my childhood, which I can spend eons doing. This isn’t a wallow. This is figuring out, and being almost amused, or mildly amused to have figured out an origin.

I think I must have hated all that change much more than I was aware of. The parental stress, the new places, new schools full of kids I was fairly sure would think I was just fat and weird, the sense of powerlessness and undefended-ness. Nothing unusual in any of that, really. I’ve heard military kids talk about the same things—and some of them adapt gorgeously, becoming, well, highly adaptable and capable adults. I haven’t exactly crumbled under the weight of the various bumps of my childhood, either.

But I think I’ve maybe been having a decades-long, heels-dug-in tantrum about change. And a decades-long wallow in the discombobulation of change. So I’ve spent decades compensating for the instability of the first 12 years of my life. Some might say that that constitutes just a teeny bit of over-compensation.

I’m 60. I think that means that my job from here on in is to do the best and most that I can for as long as I can. And that includes wasting less time beating myself up for not-entirely-bright behavior patterns. I have no idea whether this morning’s “no-duh, Devon” epiphany will bear much fruit, or change the pattern. But it will at least allow me to chuckle at myself and my slight tendency to react to many things an itty-bit hyperbolically.